The GBC proudly announce a new office. It is to be called the GBC Office of Bureaucracy (The GOB). It will initially consist of one hundred and one secretaries, and two hundred and two computers linked internationally. It is the strategic brainchild of GonnaBatty dasa. He has insisted that he will provide the furniture, ‘for you no profit', and throw in some of his spare ashtrays.
The computers will have a secret central control room and be linked to video monitors throughout ISKCON, to see that everyone is following the GBC resolutions and not chanting too loudly to disturb the Hindu guests. It is not considered necessary to install video monitors in the GBC's own plush accommodations, as it would spoil the decor, and everyone already knows the answer to whether the GBC chant their rounds or not. Furthermore, the whirring of the video cameras might disturb their slumber during the morning program.
It is hoped that there will be other benefits, such as recording how sannyasis hug little girls and have their feet washed by married or unmarried women. These videos can then be made available to disciples and Internet sites for a healthy income.
The GOB will have two divisions: the COB and the MOB, respectively, the Creation of Bureaucracy and the Maintenance of Bureaucracy. A DOB division, the Destruction of Bureaucracy, was not considered as it is hoped that the work of the GOB will be eternal, even extending into the transcendental world, which the GBC considers far too spontaneous.
A main effort of the GOB will be the dissemination of the ISKCON LAW BOOK. Yearly updates with thrilling new Resolutions will be printed in fancy fashion as hardbound collectors items. The GBC Employee of the Month will receive a gold-bound copy. In the week prior to Vyasa Puja, all major centers will hold seminars on the LAW BOOK, so that just everyone knows what they must do under the monitors. If the devotees find the seminars mind-numbing and fall asleep, then coffee and biscuits will be available under the expert direction of Gonna Batty dasa.
Devotees should have no fear that the LAW BOOK will reach them in pristine original condition. Jaya Altering Swami had been suggested as editor of the book, but the GBC would not allow that in case he started a wacky court case and publicly declared them to be ‘writers for hire". So, all devotees should be assured that the GBC have got their priorities right.
Remember:
Resolutions are the Basis,
Meetings are the Essence,
Futility is the Principle,
And Bureaucracy is by Force
Watching you,
Your Friendly GBC Overlords
Replies
Hasya mukhi is at it again!
Today now Great Festival Day and on this wondrous occasion all simpleton peoples of world unite by holding of the hand to hand and give honor aplenty to greatly admired GBC leaders.
Everywhere in world on this day our resplendent leaders of GBC men is much revered most reverentially. They all born on highest peak of mountain with flock of bird singing gloriously their coming epoch. By graciousness of fearless GBC men, wondrous acharyas eleven emerge from sobbing midst to take charge like captain of ship and bring world enlightenment and salvation to suffering masses of unfortunates like you.
On this gala Jubilee Holiday Day now history show world effect of GBC wondrous holy men Acharyas. Great Hansadutta Hari Kirtan Thakur now fly away like white swan into sunlit sky only to see now and then joyously staggering down city street. Satswarupa Holy Gurupad write hundred book of deep intellect so deeply intellectual only he and his psychiatrist can understand profound and plentiful depth. His Divine Grace Shrila Acharyadeva become great leader in sportswear and baseball cap fashion industry revered by Thommy Hilfiger. Jayatirtha follow head shadow of bodyless Rahu across great blue sky into heavens. His Divine Grace Shrila Bhavananda genuine spiritual master and Guru as stated in Back to Godhead help ISKCON become charitable institution by return to Holiest place, which other nonsense brothers still not welcome to come. So generous also Shrila Rameshwara buy nice dresses of genuine leather and not cheap Chinese imitation plasticky one for underage brahmacharini girl and kindly feed her pizza too. GBC programme continue to this day.
So many chapter of historical episode of wondrous leader it now hard to reflect in mind so much gloriousness on such today's Happy Holiday. And wondrous near-PhD leader Shrila Goswami Maharaja try to write thesis now ghost written publish by great University. So many bodacious leader going college learn good writing not like me and of course dumb fool like you. Shrila Rabindra Swarupa know all religion study and nothing else remotely useful. And Jayadwaita know how to change word and meaning of book due to grand academia that only he have.
Now we build giant statue of dauntless GBC commanders who command we the humble world citizen and all people daily cherish example of great religion corporate pioneer icon at public gathering. You not suffice in sincerity you get you head much decapitate or chance for get twenty year in re-education camp for benefit you. All such glorious, dear, revered leader GBC save Hare Krishna Movement by ethnically cleanse away to sacrifice all disposable, useless, unneeded foot soldier Prabhupada initiates.
On such great Happy Holiday Festive as this once yearly occasion we wash feet of all GBC and pour into big pot for group drinking of delicious intoxicating nectareous substance. We publish Vyasa Puja for all GBC who are pure devotee and direct representative of Vyasadeva. We worship great sitting place of GBC member, too, as holy portal to God-land. We the follower who are so unworthy of great magnanimity of GBC blessing.
OK. So Great Festival here today now and it now for us to wish all peon blind following of GBC like you to festively enjoy very happy time on such miraculous April Fool's Day.