Letters Srila Prabhupada Did Not Write
BY: HASYA MUKHI DEVI DASI
My dear Staff at ISKCON News,
A hearty thanks to all of you for keeping the devotees informed about the important activities of yoga gurus, the Pope and Bob Dylan. Such essential wisdom is the life and soul of all devotees and we are so much thankful to you. I have especially noted the wonderful similarities between mundane personalities and the teachings of our acaryas in Madhava Smullen's literary masterpiece, "Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Prabhupada and Spiritual Equality".
Know for certain that your web-site represents the king of all ancient wisdom, so please continue publishing your insightful versions of inter-faithism in this way. It is important that you keep spoon-feeding the complacent members of the Society with your pabulum of watery compromise so that eventually we can evolve into a hands-holding church exactly as Christianity has become. Therefore, I wish that before each editorial meeting, all members of your staff form a circle and hold hands.
Concerning Sriman Anuttama Prabhu, he is just the right person to represent us all over the world, as shown in his marvelous class on your invention of Krishna conscious solidarity with other religions. In that class, I enjoyed immensely His Grace Anuttama Prabhu's striking parallel that because there is, on one hand, a non-difference between the avatars of Vishnu, therefore the logical leap in conclusion is that all religions are also non-different. Why all the lesser members of ISKCON have not come to this brilliant realization is beyond me.
What truly impressed me in our GBC Information Minister's lecture was that he did not know the origin of the particular sloka from Sri Chaitanya-caritamrita (Adi 17.21) and Brihad Naradiya Purana that is the basis of the sankirtan movement. Although this sloka was quoted by Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, it is important that our fearless leaders forget sastra, as many of the conclusions of sastra seem to stand in the way of our new Hindu-Catholic model of Krishna consciousness nowadays. Therefore I especially applaud Anuttama's stunning example, which more and more of you are learning to follow so nicely.
For the sake of the ordinary, dispensable, rank-and-file, non-GBC members of ISKCON, I give the verse hereunder. But I do hope that the GBC members will not be bothered to read it, as they have much more important duties.
harer nama harer nama harer namaiva kevalam
kalau nasty eva nasty eva nasty eva gatir anyatha
"In this Age of Kali there is no other means, no other means, no other means for self-realization than chanting the holy name, chanting the holy name, chanting the holy name of Lord Hari."
One thing that puzzles me about Anuttama Prabhu is, since he is going bald naturally, why does he still keep a few wisps of grey on the side of his head? Perhaps he has also forgotten that it is the spiritual master's order for the leaders to set the example by shaving their heads. Yes, you may please offer him a razor at the next Vyasa Puja ceremony or GBC holiday-cum-meeting.
One important point is that I have noted your statement on ISKCON News that, "We also do not have the resources to reply to queries about the philosophy of Krishna consciousness." This is certainly commendable, and I wholeheartedly agree that it is more important to sing with Mayavadis, flatter the youth for their being young, drink fruit punch with priests, and generally present a novel and inventive candle-gazing version of Krishna consciousness as suits the occasion than to actually preach philosophy.
As you all big GBC alumni know, preaching was just an engagement I gave to unfortunate, unimportant low grade members who were not able to become ministers in the movement like you. Besides, as we have seen from Anuttama's example on YouTube, knowledge of sastra is a less important issue than toasting other religions who run slaughterhouses for their warmth and humanity.
I have also been following with great interest the development between our centers in Bombay and Bangalore, and appreciate that you report on only one side of the story on your ISKCON News site. Yes, it is very important that devotees from both temples continue to meet at the gate and have kung fu fights in front of the news cameras. This will serve many purposes. First, everybody loves a fight, and by such fisticuffs, much publicity will be generated. Remember that there is no such thing as bad publicity. Second, and most importantly, it will demonstrate that we are a genuine movement for the masses. We do not wish that the public mistakes that Krishna consciousness is for intellectuals, brahmanas or aristocratic social leaders. No. We wish the masses to realize that the average class of Indians who hang around at alleyway paan and tea stalls and quarrel or riot over political issues will find a good home in ISKCON. The more we can attract such people, then the greater our headcount will be, and these impressive numbers always make stories on your ISKCON propaganda machine. Encourage the new members to have more public squabbles in this way for the benefit of the world.
Your thrilling fighting factions reminded me of Amitabha Bachchan, that great film hero in one of his screen roles. And speaking of Amitabha Bachchan, I read on ISKCON News with great interest how he graced the Oxford Center of Hindu Studies. This is another superb development in the progress of our movement, that we have such an interest in movie actors visiting a University where nescience is taught in courses about subjects that have no definition, like "Hinduism." I do hope that any devotees attending were able to obtain Mr. Bachchan's autograph, and that you will not sell these on e-Bay, but treasure them as prasad.
I was also deeply moved to read on ISKCON News of the passing of Satya Sai Baba. It is necessary that you continue using your valuable human form of life in researching and publishing such newsworthy events so devotees can continue to remain informed about the world's important gurus. Please send your condolences to the Magician's Guild along with some flowers and bhashma that appears magically from underneath a silk handkerchief. The antics and legerdemain of this remarkable guru will be sorely missed. But please do not worry or lament his passing. There are always other important Mayavadis you can write about on ISKCON news.
And finally, I have seen the heart-warming film, "Krishna the Playful god" that your Editor at ISKCON News wrote and produced. Yes, this is a great portrait of a mythological adventure that has come down to us through the folktale annals of Hinduism. Now in one voice with your American film critics, I declare "Two thumbs up, way, way up!" I wish that all the GBC men will see this film many, many times. Our GBC men may not know the origin of important slokas in our books, but it is my wish for them to memorize the script of "Krishna the Playful god" so that they can quote these stunning words like sastra at gatherings with Hollywood celebrities. Such quotations will be especially useful when GBC members need to apologize for their religious conviction when giving lectures, or at their important interfaith meetings with followers of Wicca, Tribal Animism and Falun Da.
Actually, this film, "Krishna the Playful god" marks genuine progress in our Society's advancement. Therefore please have a vote and consider changing the name of the Society to "International Society for Consciousness of the Playful Hindu god Krishna" (ISCPHgK), since this is the direction that you leaders are sending our society, anyway. Fortunately Anuttama das, your learned Editor at ISKCON News and GBC Information Minister, has realized that it is no longer a viable option to present Krishna consciousness as it is. There are many great figures in Vedic lore who will be pleased with your realization and I may suggest one. Please try to schedule into your important program some time this year to read about King Paundraka in the Krsna Book.
Yes, please do continue negotiating with the authorities at the Pulitzer Prize for recognizing Anutamma das' superb journalistic flair as Editor of ISKCON News.
I hope that this has met you in the best of health.
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