Athato brahma-jijnasa
An article I wrote over a year ago on my own life and 'love', while yet new to Srila Prabhupada and his movement. Yet, now that i looked back on it, I seem to have understood his first instruction nicely. A worthy reflection.
(For readers' interest: In India relationships and break-ups are not generally as simple as in Western countries as devotees will know. Nevertheless, to continue Prabhupada's preaching, I felt it mandatory, somehow inspired by him, to give up my so-called 'love' mentioned in this article at that time, later on. I was 'hindu', she was 'christian', and though with great 'difficulty', she could accept why i had to do what i did for a greater cause, and though not dedicated her life and all, she also has become more serious about God since..)
"how does one define love? or even understand..? i was in first standard, and used to walk to school with a girl one year older than me.. i liked her.. in 2nd standard, i sat on the first bench with a girl, i liked her.. then a third boy came to the bench and at times when he would sit and talk alone with the girl, i'd feel jealous (2nd std!!).. 3rd std, i sat with a girl who didn't look good at all, yet we talked and understood each other.. i liked her.. 4th and 5th were a different story altogether.. my friends formed a group of four, each assuming to love a girl of the class.. my ego wouldn't allow me to rest for i was one of the big guys in the class.. so just to show off, i told them i loved this girl (diff from the prev ones).. and ended up really liking her though we've rarely had conversations. 8th std, some girls looked good, but there was nothing specific i liked. 10th, i went to school by van, and one girl who used to come in the van looked so beautiful to me, yet unappealing to my other buddies. 12th, i talked with a girl, met her, understood her well, know her strengths and weaknesses, etc. and think am in love with her. she also is.
what do i make of my life? i feel stupid, guilty too often; how could i possibly have loved so many girls? name it infatuation, it doesn't change my guilt. i feel often times.. what kind of a person am i? by loving so many ppl, am i not betraying the one who i finally end up with? i understand it is human, but have i not crossed the limits somewhere? where is my love life headed to? can i actually, having liked so many different girls over the various stages in my life, be trusted to love one girl for my life, whoever becomes my wife?
it's only too common for guys to like many girls, but how is it with girls? do they have several crushes, infatuations as well? is it that guys just express it too openly and girls are a bit reserved? is it true that girls have stronger emotions in the lines of love than guys, but only masquerade it for the society? if one can love so many different ppl, not in different roles like mother, father, wife but just as a lover, can we actually say that true love exists? aren't we just being animals again, looking to mate with the best? then where does civilization come in, how does it change our life? what animals do in the open, we do in a secluded place; it doesn't change the facts.
Isn’t there true love somewhere in this world? After all, if our love for each other is perverted, it is reasonable to assume that these are reflections of real love, something that perhaps we have no experience of in this world.. something that perhaps exists beyond the very confines of this universe, or the innumerable other universes as well..
And the quest goes on.. until one understands that by our very nature, we are infinitesimal and limited in comparison with the vast universe, and that to understand perfection, to understand the real meaning of love, we have to surrender to God. He can reciprocate in whatever way we want to with Him, for He is perfection personified. Of course, with our present eyes, we can’t even see what’s happening beyond four walls, forget God. But one day, in all sincerity, if we seek for real happiness, which is of course non existent in this world, by God’s grace, we may realize there is much more to life than just whimsically wasting our life and time.
This is the essence and conclusion of all scriptures, not some joke that simply you worship etc. etc. Their real message is to search after eternal happiness, instead of wasting our lives with an animal like propensity to simply eat, sleep, mate and defend. As a human endowed with ‘higher’ intellect, we should seek for real and permanent happiness, instead of temporary and false joys which ultimately result in a miserable situation for us; petrol is a primary example, and you can make innumerable allegories.. so let us search for that truth from God.. beyond which will remain nothing to be known, after knowing which we will be situated in a trance from which the greatest disaster cannot move us. Let us search for that eternal bliss."
Replies
I may say that I sill imagine i have some love for the lovely in my life. At least, I am in love in part with the fantasy who i imagined these women were. Those persons did not know their eternal identities, nor I, so all is a dream, a perilous one. When the time comes, none of us shall be as we were, and in another body, we may meet again, or may not.
The danger is that one becomes fully absorbed in the affairs of householder life, and buried under that heavy burden, one forgets who he is and the purposes of human life. Indian /Vedic culture helps so much, in that there are constant pressures to remind you of spiritual realities, such that one eventually gets out of illusions about what one is and where we are going ultimately. Such temporary conditional love is hardly love at all !
A Vedic marriage is fine, however, it is just like sannyasa, ( no jokes on Iscon intended ! ) One living a spiritually surcharged householder life is the pillar of society.
Most all must get married, however, as it is a required ashrama and safety net, for natural life, for 99.9% of us. That's you and I and everyone human..
A devoted chaste Vaisnava wife must be honorred and shown respect and love and protection. Then, she will be happy and the home life will be not unpleasant. So, one must have some money, so plan ahead for necessities of life.
Beyond that, expect nothing and you will not be disappointed. Unless one has internal devotion and finds satisfaction there, with Godhead, there will be none in any status.
In Arabic countries, like Riyadh, KSA, the young people go to the malls, and then drop pieces of paper with their phone numbers before the girls, and they then can clandestinely call the boys. So, there will always be attracttion, no matter what the fanatical social arrangements. Taking sannyasa young, in later years the man can come to think, i missed my youth, and they fall down cheaply, so that is not nice.
Arranged or brokerred marriages with assistance from relatives has, so far, far succeeded over Western-style arrangements. More than half the children born in USA nowadays grow up in single parent families! And this leads them down criminal roads all too often.
Yes Prabhu. I am not beyond sex desire, but I will fight. Prabhupada has given nice weapons. If it is unbearable, if I'm not upto the cause, then alright. But first I will resist not with blind false ego but with Vedic wisdom.. SB 5.5.7, 5.5.8, 7.9.45 and many more practical examples set by Prabhupada. I will not give in without even offering resistance. Brahmacarya is so nice for preaching. That doesn't put me 'above' grhastha devotees, of course not, but if i can remain brahmacari, that is nice. Thats alright. Hare Krishna!
OK, a Brahmacari. Then, as you know, do not speak to a woman, do not look at her, look at her feet, or not that even unless necessary. Be nice, just keep far far away. Eat very sparingly, and prasadam only, chant good rounds, do not watch hardly any TV or cinemas, as they are all sex life these days, at least here in Canada. Keep absorbed in positive spiritual activities, then you will be OK. A life filled with uplifting things cannot find time for nonsense things. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakura advises strongly against much time alone, oversleeping, and taking long showers. I advise judicial use of tight brahminical clothing.
Ultimately, love of Krsna consciousness does not depend upon all the rules and regulations of varna and ashrama, but upon engaging in positive service of the bonafide spiritual master.
Do you have some practical advices on brahacarya for our readers, Suresh Prabhu ? - not overeating, right associaton ie degree of segregation, good rounds, have been noted. Engaging steadily in service and hearing from the Spiritual Master were also mentioned.
My reply was originally meant in general, not specifically to Suresh Prabhu, as i am just now learning something of his circumstances currently. I was a staunch brahmacary in my time, and it is good if one can maintain that, like Srila Bhaktisiddhanta, who was a lifelong celibate. .
I am taking the opportunity to repeat these, some general principles for brahmacary discipline, to all .