Open Questions on How to Advance Spiritually in a Mixed Relationship ; RSVP ! by Brandon Vargas

Welcome October 21, 2011 4:38

My own story; Met Adrienne at college. We were steady for some time, she suggested we marry. I said no, I was a devotee and she not, but she cried, and that was it. She was to start to follow and read a little of the movement, as i had no intent of in any way quitting. She did this, but later, she told me she thought I would "grow out of it" We went to the temple, but the ladies ignored her, leaving her feeling most unwanted, and another time one tried to get her to worship Tulsi Devi saying "even if you killed a brahaman she would be saved by Tulsi". She, in her ignorance, was unimpressed, did not want to go to the Burnaby temple amymore.

Couple years later, now graduated and working, she kept throwing my Krsna books in the garbage due to envy of my relationship to our son, and that was it. I would read Krsna book for him at night, and the next day, the book is in the alley in the garbage. Happened three times after I told her if she did that once more, I'm gone. I moved into my professional offices, made 150, 000 dollars, and havent seen her since. I renounced her and my own and her family and their great wealth. Retrospectively, it was most painful and difficult, perhaps also naively foolish? Iskcon has proved a mixed blessing due to so many corruptions, such that we are now a part what is left of the original organization. I have not been able to count on the orgrnization as in the good old days, though we are trying to rectify that by attracting devotees, and temples will arise, hopefully.

So, I'm quite independent, but also a rolling stone with no family fall-back support position. My experience is that devotee nondevotee marriages do not work. As well, many many devotee marriages also fail. However, my solid opinion is that it is best to be married, that renounced men do not stay that way for long when they are young.

I'm telling this as it illustrates that you cannot control how she will react. Be nice, and don't ever fight over it, show a good example, but don't lecture harshly. Better to be silent in such circumstances. It is then up to her and Krsna what she wants to do. If you become happier and support her, I think she may see the practical benefits and may steer towards Krsna consciousness more ? I put Krsna first, or thought I was, in an uncompromising fashion, with the result of total divorce, displacement, destruction of family , loss of son, sins of single monied man's existence, etc . Patience might have been better, although frankly it had already been over seven years of this torture back and forth with her, and neither of us could take it anymore emotionally.

She did not become Krsna conscious, neither my son, just me a little. I drove her to Catholicism! Haven't talked to Christopher Nimaidasa for years now.

Thats my small offering, no answers, just some intelligence after-the-fact, I'm afraid. Hare Krishna

Welcome October 21, 2011 5:33

PS There is a similar post way back in the stacks on this subject you may care to look up, Brandon.

Welcome October 22, 2011 0:20

pamho tamohara prabhu agtACBSP unless brandon wife become devotee too the relationsip will broke down,of course in the beginning SRI GAURANGA is so merciful that make the new sadhakas to get taste for the spiritual life but as you know after a little while all the anarthas make another revolution and that's the way to learn how to overcome raga dvesau which is our worst eneny in krsna consciousness then everyone pass through i mean we are still learning how to get out from duality which keep us in this miserable world where everyone is struggle with the 3 gunas klesas samsara anyway the faith in SRI GAURANGA MAHAPRABHU will save us by keeping chanting reading and serving ,i wish my best from brandon prabhu i'm happy to hear that he is getting taste for SRILA PRABHUPADA tell him that only SRI KRSNA and SRILA PRABHUPADA can change our destiny i mean everything is working according to the desire of SRI MAHA VISHNU transcendental dream in this material world therefore the marriage life of brandon can work nicely if both are connected to that spiritual dream ,that's the way to adjust a married life otherwise someone has to go unfortunately even if someone else is coming but we are considered very lucky if we do not come back anymore that's the last test taste and destination for the best examiner in krsna consciousness agtys ys seva das haribol

Welcome October 22, 2011 0:45

Welcome > Welcome October 22, 2011 5:11

Well, so far two renunciants and a happily married woman devotee replied. As expected, thumbs up for marriage from the married one, kinda negative damned if you do damned if you don't from the renunciants. As it should be, I suppose... The brahmacari Prabhu Anand is quoting from a book which we hope he will reference for us; hopeful positive, and the brahmacary Brandon almost married, also hopeful and positive. Interesting to see the mood according to the status and age.

Welcome October 30, 2011 10:12

IDEAL MARRIED LIFE

Posted on September 2, 2011 by BV Muni 1 Comment

By Srimati Jagat Mohini Devi Dasi

Through the Grace of God, through the Divine Will, and through the operation
of certain laws that govern this universal life, two souls are brought
together. That is the meaning of
marriage.
Through the coming together of these two souls, God means an important
process to be
worked out and that is the sharing of the spiritual impulse between
the two. What they have earned,
what they have learned, and their spiritual potential—the husband and
the wife are to share. The
husband is to enrich the spiritual life of the wife and the wife is to
enrich the spiritual life of the
husband and both are to go hand-in-hand toward the Supreme Attainment
of the Divine
Consciousness. That is the true, inner meaning of family life.
Marriage is sacred. It is not to be
treated lightly. It is not to be considered in a vulgar sense.
Marriage is an alliance which is for
something more than mere physical enjoyment, for something more than
even the all-important
purpose of the propagation of the race (though, to a limited extent,
this is also a purpose of
marriage). The offsprings of the husband and the wife are also to be
spiritual beings, because they
are other souls coming into this earth-plane to work out their own
evolution. It is therefore, the
sacred duty of the husband and the wife to provide an ideal home and
the proper initial impulse to
these souls that come as their children. The children are to be held
in trusteeship for a while until
they grow up and go out into the world. The growth and development of
the children will be in
accordance with their own spiritual nature, with their own spiritual
evolution, with their own
Karma which they have brought with them; yet, the mother and the
father can give a great deal from
their own lives to the initial spiritual unfoldment of their children
until the children attain a stage
when they can themselves mind their further spiritual evolution. If
healthy spiritual ideas are
implanted in the young minds from the early age, they are bound to
sprout forth at a later stage and
bring blessedness to the children.
And, as the children are to be brought up to respect the law of
celibacy, of continence, until
they are actually married, so the husband and the wife should adhere
to the law of continence and
celibacy; and for them, this law should operate in the form of a
strict moderation of marital life.
Marital life should be based upon self-control, not upon indulgence.
Then, the wife should regard
the husband as the only partner and vice versa. The wife should not
have any other male and she
should not think of any other man, but should be devoted to her
husband; no thought of any other
man should ever cross her mind. All the rest of humanity should be to
her like children—she is the
great Mother. The husband must have the vow which Rama had—the vow of
the single spouse.
That means that the thought of another woman will never enter his
mind. To him, the only woman is
his wife and their marriage ties are sacred. In this way the whole
family set-up becomes sacred and
holy and the interior life of the spirit goes on unhampered. There is
nothing in the exterior life of the
being to injure the spiritual life. There is nothing in the exterior
life—either in the family life or in
one’s personal life to hold back or obstruct the spiritual life.
And thus, both husband and wife go in perfect harmony, and their
lives, on the dual wings of
exterior activity and interior prayerfulness, go to the ultimate
blessed state of supreme
God-consciousness—Divine Realisation. Blessedness becomes theirs, in
and through their family
life, wherever they are.

Hare Krishna

Jagatmohini Devi Dasi

One Comment

Dalu MM
31 days ago

Wonderful feeling while reading about the ideal marriage. It is truly the sacred relationship the concept of which must be born in the minds of both husband and wife in their day to day life. Unless this is understood there is bound to be pitfalls as we are witnessing around everyday. Why this is so? Because none of the party are keen to understand the sacredness of the marriage. The divinity that influences one’s life is ignored and there seems to be no prayer internally for sustaining the presence of God within oneself. If this is so How can there be harmony at all. Alas when will all the house hold learn to live harmonius life? This is the sad part of mankind.

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