Sep 21, '07 CANADA — I was just heading down to the temple to pick up my pay cheque, when whom should I see but the newly-stamped Ugrakarma Devi Dasi! "Haribol, Maharajah, please accept my dandabat obeisances", I called out! I was so fortunate to get her association, the modern equivalent of Lord Nityananda’s wife; better, no doubt about it, as she knew all about psychology and modern methods of education. She immediately suggested to me that my character represented a retentive personality type, and that I had better consider taking up washing the toilets, as this would be appropriate service for such a person as myself. Following her learned footsteps, I offered my respects to her passive-aggressive personality type, and decided to see my Temple President to see if I could change my service.
There, Sycophantarama dasa suggested that instead, I consider also putting my name on the roster to be as good as God, and become a guru, and thus I could avoid such an unpleasant service career as instructed by Mataji-ji. After all, I had many friends whom I had donated to on the Rubber Stamp Committee. He also assured me that many cities were still available for a franchise, and that good gurus were hard to come by. He begged my pardon, as he had to attend a meeting of Bahut-rajas-tirtha Goswami, who needed help arranging his tour of France, especially as he had several loyal and dedicated matajis who insisted on accompanying him. "He is so anxious to serve, prabhu!" our ecstatic President exclaimed, "He has already packed his bags!”
When I noted that the hotels booked only had single rooms and a single bed arranged, he advised me not to question or to jump over a senior devotee’s decision-making authority, given him by Srila Prabhupada himself, and assured him by the GBC's. So I assumed he had already planned to nicely take care of his female disciples. As Treasurer of the mandira, I immediately issued him a cheque, and then went downstairs to make sure that the kitchen had purchased enough cabbages and Canola oil.
On the way, I noticed Krsna dasa prabhu chanting japa. I called for the welcoming committee, who quickly hustled him out the front door, ripped the offending censored magazines proclaiming Srila Prabhupada as the guru forever from his trembling hands, and offered him a few merciful shots to the kidneys and face, which I appreciated as a great kindness to a wayward Srila Prabhupada disciple. “Who do these Prabhupada disciples think they are anyway, coming into the house of God to preach that their guru alone is worthy of worship. Such foul offenders! If Prabhupada hadn’t wanted us to spend his money and accept lots of rich disciples, then why did he tell us to do it?” Oh well, there’s no accounting for the nonsense that these Mayavadi Ritviks have in their heads! At least I can see to it that they do not offend anymore of us pure devotees at THIS mandira!
I avoided the Sankirtana party as the two of them headed out, being as it is strictly for neophytes. After all, we sadhus don’t need to advertise ourselves. Sixty-year-old Gurudasa went, though. I laughed inside, as he would never take sannyasa! He couldn’t handle money well enough to please the Steering Committee. He would never get anywhere in our modern ISKCON! He hadn’t enough juice with the GBC, didn’t bring in enough laxmi, and he had no charisma nor position. He was just a poor brahman with nothing better to do than chant japa and study twenty-four hours a day! What a fool! Like we need people like that?
Well, I have to go now. I have to go sign papers turning the Temple over to an overseeing committee based in Turkmenistan, who are so kindly taking all responsibility for our temple affairs on their heads, relieving us of such headaches as legal meetings and ownership, and all that mundane stuff. After all, much to our collective grief, Srila Prabhupada is dead and gone, and as we are so stupid, better that the GBC's take care of it all for us!
Thank you for listening to A description of my typical day in ISKCON. I am your unworthy servant,
Tamogunadasa
A Studied Reply
BY: TAMOGUNADASA
Sep 25, CANADA — Tamogunadasa would like to correct one thing please; he has indeed traded ideas personally with Ugrakarma Devi. Rocana Prabhu has taken it that this was not so, and took exception. My extremely dry and studiously non-offensive points on Dandavats in response to Mataji’s article a few weeks ago, espousing mundane personality types theory as a good means to decide varnas, etc. received no response. Apparently, I am not allowed to disagree with her, especially as she is a her. She is sancrosanct for all the aspiring feminists. But I see adherence to doctrines suggestive of attachment to jnana over bhakti.
Further, you may be interested to note that devotees have specifically expressed concerns to me over mundane authorities being taught and honored in ISKCON, like they were bonafide important sources of useful knowledge, and asked me to help do something about this mis-notion. These psychologists cited by Mataji, and their limited ideas, are just so many zeros with no one in front. They deny Krsna. To promote or honor them is a dangerous and severe deviation from Srila Prabhupada’s teachings and expose of mundane knowledge-ists.
We may know the details about a given system of knowledge, but we do not incorporate these ideas into our philosophy; only those of the disciplic succession. The sex of the devotee involved is not even a consideration, on my part. I tell it like it is, equally. ISKCON is too aloof to listen, so we have written something amusing. Humor is a good means of communicating. Funny how serious articles and inspired writing is ignored, but oh how they respond to the obvious when it's made obvious!
The rest of my article speaks for itself!
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