Editorial (VNN) - by Gauridasa Pandita Dasa
Dear Prabhus, please accept my respectful obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!Srila Prabhupada always said that the appearance and disappearance of thegreat devotees are both reasons to celebrate. We like the appearance pastimesmore of course, but in the disappearance pastimes our faith and determinationcan be tested and strengthened. Srila Prabhupada followed the instructions ofhis Guru Maharaja and performed the miracle of spreading Krsna Consciousnessall over the world. Srila Prabhupada always felt the presence of his GuruMaharaja and we can also feel the presence of Srila Prabhupada; if we want andtry. It is not that he is dead and gone. His disappearance is our chance torealize his eternal presence. As he himself said, he will live on in his booksand we should utilize them and perfect our lives and go back home, back toGodhead.
The following stories about Srila Prabhupada's disappearance are taken frommy website the Haribol Home Page, and will be part of an upcoming book aboutSrila Prabhupada called, "Memories Of A Pure Devotee".May Srila Prabhupada's mercy flood the world with love of God!
"Better To Die In Vrindavan!"
(May 15th 1977 Hrishikesh India)
Srila Prabhupada was staying in a nice two story house, donated by a lifemember, on the bank of the Holy Ganges in the Holy town of Hrishikesh, India.He had come there to try to regain his failing health on the advise ofMahadevia Kartikeya, one of the leading life members of Bombay. I had arrivedin Hrishikesh a day after Srila Prabhupada. He was giving darshan. I was toldto stand at the door and give the guests a piece of sweet prasadam when theyleft. Srila Prabhupada noticed someone waiting outside the screen door and toldme to let him in. I opened the door and as he entered another guest went out.Srila Prabhupada asked me if I had given the guest prasadam. I replied that Ihadn't and Srila Prabhupada turned to his secretary, Tamal Krishna Maharajaand said, "This boy is incompetent".
Tamal .K.G. then sent me out saying that he would talk to me later. I wascrushed. I had given my life to Srila Prabhupada and now I had displeased him.Heartbroken and embarrassed I left the room. I waded out into the GangesRiver and thought of committing suicide. I thought of my first mentorVisnujana Swami. Tamal.K.G. came down a little later half laughing and told menot to take it so seriously. He told me to go up and clean Srila Prabhupada'sroom. I was surprised to get another chance. I pulled myself together andmarched up to Srila Prabhupada's room. Upendra Prabhu handed me a broom and Ibegan to sweep. I glanced shamefully over at His Divine Grace and to mysurprise he smiled very nicely. All of my anxiety disappeared instantly like Ientered Vaikuntha.
Things were ecstatic in Hrishikesh until that stormy night when SrilaPrabhupada sat up all night. At about 2:30am we were awoken by Upendra Prabhuwho told us that Srila Prabhupada had said, "Tomorrow we will go to Vrindavan.Better to die in Vrndavan." We were shocked to hear this statement from SrilaPrabhupada. It was the first time Srila Prabhupada said he was going to leavethe planet. Pradyumna Prabhu and I headed out to make arrangements for thearrival of His Divine Grace in Vrindavan.
"Arrival In Vrindavan"
(May 17, 1977)
Pradyumna Prabhu and I arrived in Sri Vrindavan Dhama at about 4am. Weinformed the temple President, Akshayananda Maharaja, of Srila Prabhupada'supcoming arrival and statement that he was coming to Vrindavan to 'leave hisbody'. We were all shocked at the news. The Maharaja didn't tell the devoteesright away why he was coming, just that he was coming soon and the devoteesstarted ecstatically cleaning Srila Prabhupada's quarters during the morningprogram. The Holy dust of Vrindavan had blown about everywhere and there was alot of mercy to deal with.
Srila Prabhupada arrived at the temple at about 7am. At this point SrilaPrabhupada's health had deteriorated so much that he could no longer walk onhis own. The devotees in Vrindavan, and around the world, were unaware ofthis. We brought a rocking chair out to the car to carry Srila Prabhupada in.He asked, as usual, to see the Deities first. We carried him into the templeand placed him before Sri Sri Gaura - Nitai. Srila Prabhupada stood upoffering his respectful obeisance's. At this point someone took the chairaway. Srila Prabhupada stood there gazing at Their Lordships for a few momentswith tears decorating his face. Then he moved to sit in the chair that wasn'tthere. We had to catch him. The devotees looked at each other with wonder andconcern. We brought the chair back and carried Srila Prabhupada over to SriSri Krishna and Balarama. Again Srila Prabhupada stood up with tears in hiseyes. (This time the chair stayed!) We then moved over to Sri Sri RadhaSymasundara and Sri Lalita and Sri Visaka's alter. Again Srila Prabhupada roseup and gazed lovingly at the Deities. After a few moments he turned to us andsaid that he wanted to see all of the devotees in his room.
We carried Srila Prabhupada to his room and he took his seat at his desk. Thedevotees filled the room quickly and were crowded around the doors and windowstrying to see and hear our divine master. When all the devotees settled in asmuch as possible Srila Prabhupada began to speak:
"So I cannot speak. I am feeling weak. I was to go to other places likeChandigarh, but I canceled the program because the condition of my health isvery deteriorating. So I preferred to come to Vrindavan. If death takes place,let it take here. So there is nothing new to be said. Whatever I have tospeak, I have spoken in my books. Now you try to understand it and continueyour endeavor. Whether I am present or not present, it doesn't matter. AsKrsna is living eternally, similarly, the living being also lives eternally. But kirtiryasya sa jivah: 'One who has done service for the Lord livesforever.' So you have been taught to serve Krsna, and with Krsna we'll liveeternally. Our life is eternal. Na hanyate hanyamane sarire. A temporarydisappearance of this body, it doesn't matter. Body is meant fordisappearance. Tatha dehantara-praptih. So live forever by serving Krsna.Thank you very much."
At this point most of the devotees were crying. To me it still hadn't sunk inthat Srila Prabhupada was about to depart this world leaving us to grieve inhis absence. Srila Prabhupada told us to discuss amongst ourselves and wetalked about the future of ISKCON without Srila Prabhupada. It was unthinkableactually, but we were forced to think about it due to the time factor.Philosophically we understood that Srila Prabhupada would live with us in hisbooks etc. but we would so miss his physical presence. The devotees began towonder how the movement would go on without Srila Prabhupada to personallydirect it. How would the BBT operate? How would the GBC act? Would someoneelse become the next acharya? Srila Prabhupada answered all of these questionsin the next few weeks and months.
"Leaving Vrindavan"
(July 1977)
Serving Srila Prabhupada personally in Bombay, Hrishikesh and Vrindavan werethe best days of my life. Those days were numbered and unfortunately ran outat the end of July of 1977. I had entered India on a three month tourist visa.I had received a three month extension already when I applied for another. Itwas denied. I considered just staying past my expiration date so I couldremain with His Divine Grace who I knew was leaving soon. I decided it wouldbe better to go back to America and get another visa and return.
It was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make; leaving SrilaPrabhupada's precious personal service. Srila Prabhupada always told us tofollow the law; so I did. I had packed my belongings and had it loaded onto ahorse drawn cart for my trip to the Mathura train station. I went to offer myobeisance's to Tamal Krishna Maharaja in his office before leaving. He told meI couldn't leave without telling Srila Prabhupada. I said Srila Prabhupadaknows everything; I don't want to bother him. Tamal K.G. said to wait and heentered Srila Prabhupada's room. A moment later he stuck his head out of thedoor and told me to come in. Now I was really getting nervous. This wouldprove to be the last time I would see Srila Prabhupada before his divinedeparture for Goloka Vrindavan.
Upon entering Srila Prabhupada's room I offered my full dandavats. Tamal K.G.said, "Here's Gauridasa Pandita, Srila Prabhupada; he has to go back toAmerica now because his visa is expiring and the government wouldn't give himan extension." Srila Prabhupada said, "Just see. I just train him up and therascal government takes him away!" He was sitting behind his desk and lookedat me with compassionate eyes, melting my heart. Then he said, "Thank you verymuch for all of your service, you've been very sincere. You are welcome to bemy personal servant anytime. So you go worship Radha Damodara and be happy." I was ecstatic at the mercy of Srila Prabhupada. Not only did he acknowledgeme; but he said I could return to his personal service! I had renewed hope. Isaid, "Thank you, Srila Prabhupada" and offered my dandavats again and slowlybacked out of his room. I paused at the door one last time and he gave me hisfinal nod of his head. Then he continued to translate.
I boarded the horse cart and sat facing back and headed out of Vrindavan. Theone hour trip seemed to last for forever as I lamenting having to leave SrilaPrabhupada. I became overwhelmed with emotion with memories of SrilaPrabhupada. Upendra Prabhu who was always sharing the mercy with the devoteesgave me a bunch of Srila Prabhupada's clothes as prasadam. They smelled likesandalwood and rose water. The whole trunk was stolen from the attic at GitaNagari.
Days later I arrived at Gita Nagari and became co-head pujari for Sri SriRadha-Damodara with Sasthi Prabhu. We were a good team. When we got a letterfrom Upendra saying that we should fast to help Srila Prabhupada get better wetook it up. We fasted for three days straight, then took prasadam one day,then fasted again for three days, like that, until Srila Prabhupada left hisbody.
When we got the news that Srila Prabhupada had decided to come to Gita-Nagari; to establish the Varna-ashrama system, we were all ecstatic. Thedevotees were morose before, knowing that Srila Prabhupada was sick and maybegoing to leave his body. Now we had renewed hope! The devotees were happyagain and very enthusiastically preparing for Srila Prabhupada's arrival. We painted his house and made all of the necessary arrangements. Seeing all ofthe renewed enthusiasm I wrote a letter to Srila Prabhupada who was in Londonat the time. We got a response from his secretary, Tamal K.G., whichParamananda Prabhu, the temple president, read to all of the devotees since itwas about Srila Prabhupada. The letter started out, "I read your letter toSrila Prabhupada as I found it very poetic and an excellent description ofGita-Nagari. When I told Srila Prabhupada you had written the letter; heremembered you very fondly." I was ecstatic to hear this. I was glad to hearthat Srila Prabhupada even remembered me. Out of the whole four months I wasallowed to serve him I only talked to him shortly a few times. This wasbecause right in the beginning of my service in Bombay, Srila Prabhupada saidthat the proper etiquette for the servant was to not talk to the spiritualmaster unless the spiritual master spoke first. He complained about some ofthe Indian life members who were a bit too talkative and familiar with him attimes. So from then on I didn't say much, but listened as much as possible.
Later we got the unfortunate news that Srila Prabhupada had decided to returnto Vrindavan and wouldn't be coming to Gita-Nagari. We were saddened again.
I wrote Tamal K.G. and got his permission to return to resume my service toSrila Prabhupada. I had to train up a new pujari before leaving Gita-Nagarithough. He turned out to be Radha Damodara Dasa! It took two weeks to trainhim up properly. The day he took over completely I chanted my japa outside thecurtains circumambulating Tulasi Devi and the Vyasasana. During that time wegot a call from India, that Srila Prabhupada may be leaving his body soon.Then we got a call a little later confirming that he had indeed made hisdivine departure for Krsna Loka. I sensed something special was going onduring my japa, as it was. Actually I didn't want to see that particularpastime. I thank Krsna for saving me from that. I know that Srila Prabhupadais as present as ever, for me now, and everyone who takes shelter of him.
He reasons ill
Who says that Vaisnavas die
When thou art living still in sound
The Vaisnava dies to live!
And living tries
To spread the Holy Name around.
Your servant,
Gauridasa Pandita Dasa
Oct 23, 1998
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