"9/11 16 Years Later - Never Forget
Directed by a beardy-guy (hooked up to a dialysis machine, dying from complications related to Marfan syndrome) from a cave in Afghanistan, nineteen hard-drinking, coke-snorting, devout Muslims enjoy lap dances before their mission to meet Allah. Using nothing more than cramft knifes, they overpower cabin crew, passengers and pilots on four planes.
And hangover or not, they manage to give the world’s most sophisticated air defence system the slip. (In the process this group of unremarkable and untrained men have also managed to outsmart the CIA, FBI, NSA, all 16 US intelligence agencies, MI6, Mossad, and every intelligence agency for every American ally in the world. They have also managed to outsmart NORAD, (which happened to be running a simulation of hijacked planes at the exact same time as the real hijackings) the Air Force, local law enforcement, airport security on 4 different occasions, the entire military command structure of the US armed Forces, the Pentagon, Dick Cheney, and George Dubya, (also the Easter bunny, and presumably Santa Claus as well)
Unfazed by leaving their “How to Fly a Passenger Jet” guide in the car at the airport, they master the controls in no-time and score direct hits on two towers, causing THREE to collapse completely. (The 3rd of which was incredibly announced nearly 30 minutes prior to its actual collapse live on the BBC)
The laws of physics fail, and the world watches in awe as asymmetrical damage and scattered low temperature fires cause steel-framed buildings to collapse symmetrically through their own mass at free-fall speed, for the first time in history.
Despite their dastardly cunning and superb planning, the terrorists give their identity away by using explosion-proof passports, which survive the destruction of steel and concrete and fall to the ground where they are quickly discovered lying on top of the mass of debris.
Meanwhile in Washington
Hani Hanjour, having previously flunked Cessna flying school, gets carried away with all the success of the day and suddenly finds incredible abilities behind the controls of a jet airliner. Instead of flying straight down into the large roof area of the Pentagon, he decides to show off a little. Executing an incredible 270 degree downward spiral, he levels off to hit the low facade of the Pentagon. Without ruining the nicely mowed lawn and at a speed just too fast to capture on video. Thousands upon thousands of tourists walk around DC every day with camcorders taking in the sights, incredibly not a single one of them caught the plane as it flew only meters above the ground through Washington DC. Again, the plane was moving at speeds too fast to capture on video.
In the skies above Pennsylvania
Desperate to talk to loved ones before their death, some passengers use sheer willpower to connect mobile calls that would not be possible until several years later.And following a heroic attempt by some to retake control of Flight 93, the airliner crashes into a Pennsylvania field leaving no trace of engines, fuselage or occupants except for the standard issue Muslim terrorist bandana. It is the first recorded instance in history in which a plane and all of its inhabitants have literally been vaporized into thin air due to the sheer force with which the plane crashed.
During these events President Bush continues to read “My Pet Goat” to a class of primary school children. The Secret Service elects to follow their normal protection protocols when the nation's potentially under attack, which read: if nation is under any type of perceived threat, rush President to safety (unless he's in the presence of children, in which case they're to ignore all safety protocol, and just sit still so as not to scare the children. Child well-being always trumps Presidential safety as any reasonable person understands)
In New York
World Trade Center leaseholder Larry Silverstein blesses his own foresight in insuring the buildings against terrorist attack only six weeks previously, standing to reap billions. When asked about the collapse of the 3rd Tower, which was hit by neither a plane nor any debris, Mr Silverstein declares on camera, "there had been such a loss of life that we decided to pull it". When asked why he used a controlled demolition term to explain the collapse of WTC 7, he reasons, "that's not what I meant". The world exhales an air of relief having finally received a reasonable explanation.
In Washington
The Neoconservatives are emboldened by the arrival of the “New Pearl Harbor,” the necessary catalyst for launching their pre-planned wars, as evidenced by their writings in, "Project For a New American Century" which discussed needing a new Pearl Harbor in order to justify a Middle East invasion. 16 years later, everything is going precisely as planned.
THE END
If you question any of the above account, you are in fact a conspiracy theorist"
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