Narasingha Das ; Dear Tamohara Dasa - I understand, as many of us do, all of us whose lives didn't quite match our hopes and dreams ... which is probably well over 99% of everyone on the planet, aspiring devotee or no!
We all want whatever it is ... but we are going to get what our already appointed quota is, and can't blame anyone or anything else for that!
The thing is prabhu-ji, your dream, your real dream, is for reality ... and any suffering you've undergone, intentionally or not, while remaining on that track is not for nought! Krsna is well aware of your efforts and intentions and sacrifices ... Take advantage of your alone time to hear and chant as much as you can in the company of your Guru, of Srila Prabupada's books and classes and japa recordings ... to recognize that as he taught - 'you fly your own airplane at the time of death' ... these lonely times can be opportunities to encourage us to take more seriously the idea of associating deeper and more internally with Guru and Gauranga.
Don't regret prabhu - don;t think that others are in a better situation, 'the grass is always greener over there' - accept the choices you have made and their natural consequences, and make the very best use of what you have. Remember, as Srila Sridhar Maharaj told us, "The environment is always favorable."
Jerry Grotepas ; I would have to add that without doubt, before I came into contact with Srila Prabhupadas Gita, life for me did not exist. I was a zombie. I was born with a type of karma knowing want and denial of most things the average person had with no difficulty. I had very good parents for sure and my health was ok, but other than that, there was no place for me in the world of material enjoyment.
When I became aware to a degree of Krsna and made an effort to do some service, I was still living with my karma of being outside most social circles and material qualifications that brought that which most would consider desirable in a material life.
Today I am still living with what would be considered humble material means. I am at the bottom of a well with two broken legs. Would I have it any differently if I could go back? Yes, I might have made better decisions when I was doing some service. Would I choose not to of become the comprimised individual I am now for trying to become Krsna Conscious. No. I have no regrests. My hopes are at best to get a more desirable birth next time around. From what I have read, that is a realistic expectation.
I have to believe that if you look deep into your own life there is a place where you have had an honest moment where you know that no matter how much pain might be involved and no matter how alone you might feel, there is no doubt that this is the road you must travel. Celebrate the fact that unlike the many who go to their deaths without the Grace given by Krsnas pure devotee through having chanted His Name that you will at the least have that which can not be easily gotten through many long lives of serious austerities.
...but know that you have much to be thankful for and can tell you that you are not alone .... Hang in there.
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