Riots in Chowpatty Over Who Is Most Fallen
May 16th, 2008
MUMBAI – What started as a discussion of humility between two residents of the Chowpatty temple has ended in a series of bloody riots that has shocked this Hare Krishna community.
Dozens of devotees, most in traditional religious dress, fought with each other for hours, throwing punches, pulling homemade weapons and hurling Molotov cocktails.
“What they are failing to understand,” said Akushala das of the other rioters, nursing a broken femur and concussion, “is that I am lower than the puss on a weeping ulcer of a leper.”
According to sources, Vaisnava Ke das and Abudha das were discussing whose service it was to clean the ashrama bathrooms. Abudha suggested that he was lower than a worm in stool and couldn’t be trusted to properly clean such a holy place as the bathroom of a pure devotee. Abudha das countered by explaining that it was he, not Vaisnava Ke, who was lower than an ant eating the stool of a worm in stool. Abudha then proceeded to punch his opponent in the throat.
Tensions had clearly been mounting, as this simple argument sent this simple temple into a simple riot.
“Though I am most fallen and do not deserve to be in this riot of such advanced devotees, I have been blessed by Lord Sri Krishna with two lacerations to the head and a knife wound in my stomach,” said Himsananda das who was limping and covered in blood.
Throughout the grisly affair, cries of “it is I who am most fallen!” could be heard over the painful screams and homemade explosives.
“How are they not seeing that I am more fallen than the dead flesh eaten by maggots that will most certainly infest my soon-to-be gangrenous arm, which was sliced by a broken bottle of Ganga water,” exclaimed Ciram devi dasi, whose arm, smashed and cut by a cricket bat aligned with sharpened metal spikes, waved useless in the breeze.
GBC sanctioned deputies sped through the temple grounds spraying clouds of tear gas as GBC officers in riot gear attempted to round up the mob in full insurrection.
According to official GBC reports, over 200 devotee rioters are being detained in Mayapura.
Even with GBC presence and arrests, the riot escalated unthought-of levels.
“Oh just see the mercy of Guru and Gauranga!” shouted Madam das, whose body was riddled with bullets, “While I am not worthy to die in the gutter of a latrine where one who has simply tasted prasadam will someday pass stool, I will most certainly leave this wretched, worthless body at such an auspicious time as this in the most holy of holy dhamas!”
The Chowpatty temple, in a press conference given later that day, expressed regret that such true humility had to come to such a violent, but auspicious end.
“We are all equally most fallen,” said Chowpatty spokesperson Arjun Malik. “Though some of us are more equally most fallen than others.”
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