SRI GURU DARSANAM: AN ANTHOLOGY OF QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS WITH SRI SRI HARIDASA SASTRI MAHARAJA NAVARTIRTHA
Relationships, Social
QUESTION: I am a family man and have to live in family life. I have to deal with people in society, and sometimes I have to go to weddings and birthday parties, but there is only prajalpa (mundane talk) going on which has nothing to do with Kṛṣṇa. How should I keep away from it?
ANSWER: How much away do you want to keep? Mahāprabhu's bhakti is the greatest revolution that has ever happened in the existence of this universe. It is completely different from all other so-called spiritual processes, which are actually demoniac and completely impractical. In other processes, you have to give up this and give up that, but since God has made this whole universe, then why do you have to give it up? Is He not intelligent? Why does one have to belittle God's creation? He has given us a body and senses, so how will you give them up? Even if you take sannyāsa, you will go somewhere and enjoy, because giving up is also for enjoyment. People first try to enjoy, and either they are unsuccessful in their attempts to enjoy or they get fed up with the enjoyment. After this, they look for enjoyment in renunciation, but enjoying or renouncing are two sides of the same coin. Bhakti is not like that, it is kṛṣṇānuśīlānam.
Kṛṣṇa is everywhere, so where will you go away? The whole world belongs to Him. Anusilanam means all activities, so which activity can you give up?
You have to deal with people, so you also have to maintain relationships with others. You have to be practical, but your mind should be fixed on Kṛṣṇa. Then there is no problem. Mahaprabhu did not give the example of the ideal devotee as some sannyasi who lives in some asrama and has no family. He gave us the example of the gopīs, who are in family life. His example is of females and not of males, and women are even more absorbed in so-called family life, because ladies have to take care of the children. They have very little chance even for sat-saṅga, whereas men have the freedom to leave the home, go wherever they want, talk, etc. But the gopis are the topmost devotees. That is to show under all circumstances, they are devotees. Therefore, anyone can be a devotee by following their example. The thing is that their minds were always fixed on Kṛṣṇa. In short, Kṛṣṇa says in Bhagavad Gita:
"Therefore, always remember Me and fight. With your mind and intellect fixed on Me, you will undoubtedly attain Me alone."
(Gītā 8.7)
Fighting means doing your duties. Kṛṣṇa is not saying, "run away." The Pāṇḍavas or Vidura were all family oriented. They were also from royal households, and they ruled their kingdom. We all know the difficulties involved in just running a household. So imagine the intricacies in running a kingdom. You would have to face so many problems in the form of enemies, criminals, and the politics within the administration. You wonder how these people could be devotees. When did they get the time to sit down and do kīrtana or japa? There were always problems to be solved. They were never alone, as they had to have the protection of bodyguards. But they were great devotees because they practiced kṛṣṇānuśīlānam. Every activity was done only for Kṛṣṇa's sake. They fought only for His sake and made peace also only for His sake. This is what one needs to learn.
Uttamā-bhakti is the most auspicious process. If you give it up, then certain things will not even develop. This bhakti brings light to everything, whether it is art, music, dance, drama, literature, singing, etc. Everything has a practical use in bhakti. The Six Gosvāmīs brought forth a revolution in all these fields. If you go to other processes, such as jñana-mārga or yoga-mārga, you have to give up all these. But in uttamā-bhakti, everything is useful. The Gosvāmīs demonstrated this by their example.
QUESTION: Is there a more specific relationship or bond in devotee families than in material families?
ANSWER: Material relationships have no bearing on spiritual relationships. Parents should be respected because they are the original teachers. We should respect them and serve them if it is possible for us to do that.
In spiritual life association or relation is based on the guru. It is not influenced by anything else. Even if the parents are devotees, it does not influence one's relationship with the guru. These are two separate things.
Just as in the material world, you have relationships based on parents, mother, father, and other relations. In bhakti the relationship is based on the guru.
QUESTION: Most of us have acquaintances in other groups who are also Gauḍīya Vaiṣṇavas, but there are also differences in concepts. How shall we regard and deal with them?
ANSWER: As we are followers of vaiṣṇava-dharma, we give respect to everybody, because Bhagavān is there in everyone. We should respect everyone. Otherwise, we will have hatred or attachment, which is not good. We should have neither rāga nor dveṣa. We should deal with them as much as is necessary, and not more. We can have dealings with them, but we should not support their wrong philosophical conclusions or become attached to them.
Just as I also have to deal with people who are not devotees and who are against the real dharma. Dealings must be there. People may be dressed as Vaiṣṇavas, but they may not be Vaiṣṇavas in the true sense of the word. Mostly they are pursuing some material goal. Knowing this, we have to relate with them accordingly.
QUESTION: What if one's family members are not devotees, does one have to minimize contact with them, as well?
ANSWER: You have to deal with them, knowing that they are not devotees. We are in this world, so we have to deal with people. You have to know where you stand and where they stand. Do not get carried away by their understanding and conclusions; otherwise, you will become deviated yourself. Their saṁskāras will influence you.
Therefore, it is recommended that you only associate with people of your own group, because their saṁskāras are not contrary to your own saṁskāras. So what to speak of associating with non-devotees? Even among Vaiṣṇavas we should associate with people of the same spiritual family. Otherwise, there will always be discrepancies and you have to listen to things that may not be consistent with your philosophy.
QUESTION: In such a case it seems better to associate with materialistic people, because then we know that we absolutely do not want to accept their mood, but if we have to associate with semi-spiritual people or semi-Vaiṣṇavas, then it becomes really difficult to sort it out.
ANSWER: Yes, it is problematic to deal with such people. Not only that, but, generally, such people are very aggressive. They will even assault and attack, whereas materialistic people have nothing in common with you. They do their thing and do not try to convert you. They may even be respectful.
QUESTION: In the śāstra it is stated that one should respect one's parents; but what if the parents are against Kṛṣṇa consciousness? In our case, our parents are strict Christians, and it may happen that we have to take care of them, because they are becoming old now. What shall we do?
ANSWER: When the parents expect help, you should help them. You should fulfill your duty toward your parents. It does not matter that they have their own concept of religion or do not accept Kṛṣṇa. When they do not expect help, then you do not do anything. A devotee respects and helps every living entity, what to speak of his own parents.
QUESTION: When we leave this world, are we leaving alone or together with those who have benefited us, like Dhruva Mahārāja, who left for Vaikuṇṭha together with his mother?
ANSWER: This is a specific example, a special case, which does not happen to everybody. In Dhruva’s case, his mother had specifically instructed him to go and worship Śrī Viṣṇu. Therefore she was like his guru, his first guru. It was only later on that he got Nārada Muni as his guru. Due to that relationship he thought highly of her.
On our path, we surrender to our guru, and that is our relationship. We are devoted to him only, and that relationship continues.
QUESTION: Do those persons who have helped us, like teachers, etc., get some benefit?
ANSWER: If those people appreciate what you are doing now, and they are your supporters and associate with you, then they will also get similar saṁskāras or the consciousness that you have. This is the benefit they get.
QUESTION: What saṁskāras do they get?
ANSWER: It means they will get a consciousness similar to the one the devotee or you may have. It basically means that they will become inclined toward the process of bhakti.
QUESTION: Due to family entrapments, it is very difficult to take off on this path.
ANSWER: The fundamental difficulty is that people do not have a proper concept of bhakti. Other philosophies are mixed up with it. Therefore, such thoughts that family life, etc., are obstacles on this path, arise in mind. Whether householder or renunciate, both have the right to perform bhakti.
We should at least try to get the concept clear about uttama-bhakti. Once the concept is clear, then one can decide whether one wants to follow it or not. The obstacle is not the family or anything else, but one's own interest. One must have a very clear understanding of uttama-bhakti.
Bhakti is vyāvahārika, it is practiced here while one is living in this body, and not something done only after death. All other paths describe that if you follow their process, then after death you will get liberation or some enjoyment. When it is karma-mārga, then you will go to heaven, and when it is jñana-mārga, then you will become liberated. However, bhakti is not something that happens after death. It is practiced here and now. It is for everybody—family man or renunciate. God Himself has created this world, and He does not say that one has to leave this world to become a devotee.
The problem comes because of lack of understanding. On this path, right from the beginning, there is surrender to the guru. Guru and Kṛṣṇa are absolutely one. On the other paths, there is also talk of surrendering to the guru. In Bhāgavad Gītā, Arjuna says, "I surrender to you." However, that surrender is not the same as what is needed in uttamā-bhakti. Surrender to the guru and taking shelter of him is just as good as surrender to Kṛṣṇa. Once surrender is done, then there is no separate motive.
On all other paths, there is some separate motive, such as wanting enjoyment or liberation. Therefore, if a guru is accepted, it is done for that motive. So there is no complete oneness with the guru's heart, because one keeps one's selfish motives.
Bhakti is not selfish at all. Whatever you do, you do it only for the other's sake (ānukūlyena anuśīlanam). Right from the beginning, one's independence is surrendered. In uttamā-bhakti this injunction that the guru is God is completely applicable. After surrender there is no separatism. When there is no separatism or difference, there is no obstacle for obtaining bhakti, because whatever you do, you do it as a devotee, as a follower and disciple. The real meaning of disciple is fulfilled only in uttamā-bhakti, not on other paths. Here the disciple guru relationship remains eternal, and the disciple is always a disciple.
When one accepts a guru, then one is no longer independent. When one is not independent, then there are no more independent motives. The family is not an obstacle. Obstacles come when the motives are different, not because of the family or anything else. This point must be grasped properly.
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