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Paraprosdokian sentences:
Paraprosdokian sentences: A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and "προσδοκία", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double…
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(Before It's News)
1994′s MOST BIZARRE SUICIDE
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given by the American Association for Forensic Science, AAFS President Don Harper Mills astounded his audience in San Diego with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story.
“On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound of the head. The decedent had jumped from the top of a ten- story building intending to commit suicide (he left a note indicating his despondency). As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some window washers and that Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide anyway because of this.” >>”Ordinarily,” Dr. Mills continued, “a person who sets out to commit suicide ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended. That Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below probably would not have changed his mode of death from suicide to homicide. But the fact that his suicidal intent would not have been successful caused the medical examiner to feel that he had homicide on his hands. “The room on the ninth floor whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing and he was threatening her with the shotgun. He was so upset that, when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the a window striking Opus.
“When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with this charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant that neither knew that the shotgun was loaded. The old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her – therefore, the killing of Opus appeared to be an accident. That is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.
“The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple’s son loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal incident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son’s financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
There was an exquisite twist. “Further investigation revealed that the son [Ronald Opus] had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother’s murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23, only to be killed by a shotgun blast through a ninth story window.
“The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.”
There is some good news for the rapper who cut off his penis.
Andre Johnson, aka Christ Bearer, tells TMZ that contrary to the web site's initial report, doctors were able to reattach his penis after he cut it off with a knife and jumped out of a window.
The rapper told the website he has also regained full functionality, but may not be able to have kids.
Which the site reports is kind of what he was after.
He told TMZ that he took the drastic measures while he was smoking marijuana and reading about monks and vasectomies. He said he was depressed over not being able to see his daughters because of a restraining order.
Johnson is a member of the Wu-Tang spin-off group Killa Beez. He was found on the sidewalk outside an apartment building in West Hollywood on April 16 and taken to Cedars-Sinai hospital in critical condition.
Damon Tobias Exum, of Atlanta, Georgia, crashed into a police car while driving through an Atlanta suburb on Saturday around 2:15 a.m.
Exum, apparently did not even notice that he had collided with the officer’s patrol car.
[ Buzz: Florida man wants to marry his computer to protest gay marriage ]
Officer Alvin Rodriguez, who was hit by Exum, was not injured, and decided to chase Exum down, in order to stop his vehicle.
When Rodriguez finally pulled Exum over and asked for his license, Exum instead handed the officer a beer.
According to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Police spokesperson Sgt. Fidel Espinoza said that Exum “was heavily intoxicated and totally unaware that he had collided with the officer’s patrol car.”
ocal News
Pastor Dies As Congregation Yells At Him Over His Infidelity
(credit: Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images)
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Bishop Bobby Davis, Miracle Faith World Outreach ChurchBRIDGEPORT, Conn. (CBS Connecticut) – A pastor died as his congregation yelled at him over his alleged infidelity.
Bishop Bobby Davis, pastor of the Miracle Faith World Outreach Church, dropped dead as his congregation shouted support for him.
“After the service on Sunday the bishop’s family asked us to remain in the church and the bishop confessed to us something that happened long ago,” Judy Stovall, a church elder, said. “He wanted to come clean with all of us. He wanted to ask our forgiveness.”
Stovall said that Davis died of a heart attack.
“We were shouting, `We forgive you, we love you,’ but the stress of all of it — he had a heart attack,” Stovall told the Post. “I held his head as he lay on the floor. Our congregation is hurting now.”
Davis and his wife, Christine founded the church and they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last summer. The couple held prayer meetings in the home of Christine’s mother and in 1987 they opened their first church building, according to the Connecticut Post.
The pastor graduated from the Vision Christian College of Ramona California with a doctorate degree in ministry and a master’s degree in theological studies. Davis was a certified marriage and family therapist.
Police are investigating the circumstances of his death. Davis’ cause of death is pending further review.
By Fiona Govan, Madrid
4:43PM GMT 13 Feb 2014
A Spanish pensioner was found dead in Palma on the Mediterranean island of Mallorca after apparently getting his head stuck in a paper recycling bin.
The 68-year-old man is thought to have accidentally strangled himself as he reached through the narrow slot of the container to retrieve discarded newspapers.
Police discovered the lifeless body of the man, named locally as Gabriel Campomar Bennassar, late on Tuesday night on a routine patrol of the area. His head was trapped in the narrow opening and his arms were reaching inside.
They believe he may have suffocated himself after his legs gave way as he reached inside.
Neighbours said that Mr Campomar regularly collected old newspapers from the container to use on the floor of his house where he kept numerous animals.
RI School Warns Parents About Snorting Smarties, Possible Nasal Maggots
(Photo credit should read KAREN BLEIER/AFP/Getty Images)
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PORTSMOUTH, R.I. (CBS) — Parents at one Rhode Island middle school have received a warning about students snorting a popular candy.
According to CBS affiliate WPRI, parents of Portsmouth Middle School students received a note from school officials on Thursday, warning them to watch out for students snorting Smarties.
School officials said the new trend is a ‘widespread phenomenon’ that’s found on popular YouTube videos.
According to WPRI, the note sent to parents via email explains the methods in which students have been ingesting the sugary candy, including smoking and snorting.
School officials said snorting and or smoking the candy could cause nasal problems, infections, lung irritations, allergic reactions or possible maggots inside the nasal cavity.
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