Today November 14, by the Solar calendar is the 45th anniversary of the disappearance of our Divine Lord and Master Srila Prabhupada.

Jaya Gouranga Das

I know that physical presence, Vapu, is not that important.

But for many of us that physical presence of His Divine Grace was so very important, it really meant so much.

I can speak for myself and say that being in the Divine presence of Srila Prabhupada, was like being in the presence of Krishna Himself.

Nothing can compare to it.

That is of course because Srila Prabhupada is Krishna’s pure and direct representative.

From the very first time I personally met Srila Prabhupada in July of 1972 I experienced that Divinity.

I remember how I brought some flowers for Him and when I gave them to Him, He so gracefully and kindly accepted them from my hand and after smelling them, He smiled at me in such a beautiful and compassionate way and putting His Divine Hands together said to me:

“Thank you very much”

That was enough to melt my stone like heart and make me want to be with Him forever.

After that, I became very greedy for His association.

Srutakirti once told me that in order to get close to His Divine Grace, you had to be greedy, and I know that in my case, that was my only qualification, for I am so low and fallen, with no good qualifications whatsoever.

Krishna has always been much too kind to me and also Srila Prabhupada, because, despite all my defects and shortcomings, They Both allowed me to associate extensively with my Divine Lord and Master Srila Prabhupada.

I got to travel by plane with Him, I was alone with Him trying to render some service to Him in His quarters here in New Dwaraka, Los Angeles, I got to go on different morning walks with Him here in Los Angeles and also in Mexico City which is where I traveled with Him.

He also gave me first and second initiation directly, even making some nice comments while giving me my initiated name, and chastised me a little bit while showing me how to count with my fingers at the time of giving me second initiation, and smiled sweetly afterwards saying I had chanted the Gayatri Mantra properly. I had many more opportunities to render personal service to His Divine Grace, even introducing my Father and Mother to Him as well as my brothers and sisters.

But my big break came in Vrindaban where I actually went in front of Their Lordships Sri Sri Radha Shyamasundara and prayed for Them to let me become Srila Prabhupada’s personal servant.

Well, the GBC made me the manager (Vice President to replace Mahavira from Canada who was leaving) of Sri Sri Krishna Balaram Mandir and that was my ticket to become one of Srila Prabhupada’s personal servants.

Of course, I also owe that great opportunity to my dearmost Godbrother Upendra Prabhu who was Srila Prabhupada’s official personal servant.

He started calling me to help him Change Srila Prabhupada’s clothes. Prabhupada could not move very much because His body was so weak from not eating anything AT ALL, so I would physically lift him up while Upendra would change His clothes, I would give him water to His mouth and then wipe His holy lips.

I would regularly massage His legs and His Divine Lotus Feet which were so soft and sweetly fragrant.

I also would carry Him to the Temple everyday because He could not walk.

There, under the Tamal tree, I would seat at His Feet and someone would bring a pillow from the guest house and I would place the mat I’m showing in the picture (my Maha Prasadam I keep as a treasure) on top of the pillow and then I would grab Srila Prabhupada’s Divine Lotus Feet and put them to rest on top of the pillow with the mat.

All together, I would render so much intimate service to His Divine Grace, by the mercy of Their Lordships Sri Sri Radha Shyamasundara through my dear Godbrother Upendra.

It became the best time of my life.

How I miss all of that so much.

Of course I do listen to 4 or 5 lectures of Srila Prabhupada everyday, and I chant my 16 rounds everyday, but that physical presence of my Divine Eternal Father is so vital and important in my life.

I don’t know how I’ve managed to stay alive without seeing my Lord and Master and serving Him personally all these years.

I am weeping, and my heart is aching so much in separation from my Divine Lord Srila Prabhupada.

I miss Him so very much.

My only prayer is for Krishna to please take me wherever Srila Prabhupada May be, and to let me serve Him in whichever way He May allow me to.

I don’t care if Srila Prabhupada is in Hell preaching to the Demons, for I know that if Krishna orders Him, He’ll go there; I want to go there as well. Wherever my Lord and Master is, I want to be there with Him. That is my humble prayer to Krishna. I don’t want to go back home back to the Spiritual World (not that I deserve it any way), I just want to go wherever my Srila Prabhupada is.

Being with Him is all there is for me, nothing more, and please forgive me, for I am very fallen and Prabhupada’s Vani is not enough for this useless fallen dog, His Vapu means so much to me as well.

Please Krishna let me be with my Divine Lord and Master Srila Prabhupada once again.

All glories, all glories to our Divine Eternal Father and Spiritual Master His Divine and Loving Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada Ki Jaya, Jaya, Jaya !!!

Signed by the most wretched fallen dog,

Jaya Gouranga das

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Today November 14, by the Solar calendar is the 45th anniversary of the disappearance of our Divine Lord and Master Srila Prabhupada.

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