
When I was a young lad, I did not do what I wanted to do. I wanted to run free, to be part of the trees and the grass and the rivers and birds. I knew instinctively who I was. I wanted that natural happiness, to live free of unwanted imposing structures not of my designs.
Instead, I trusted them. They soon made me sit in a small desk in school, for hour after hour, with my hands folded in front of me, to learn.
I had in my innocence found that when I just relaxed and let myself, just, “Be”, I felt ecstasy ! , or at least a broad sense of well being, like a molecular-level happy tingling sensation, all over and in me! When I spoke of this to significant others, the adults, they didn't know what to say, or acted like it was a child's imagination and ignored me, and so I soon learned not to trust or expose my inner self. I became bricked, in the wall.
When at age 5, I cried horrified tears at the sudden realization that my parents would eventually grow old and die! My mother and fath